PUBLIC SPEAKING: 10 Hacks to Improve Your Skills

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Who’s not afraid of talking in front of random people ?

And if I hear  ‘Hey I’m not !’ It’s because you’ve done it before.

So here is the deal, you have an important pitch, an interview in front of a panel of people or even bigger…. a public speaking gig and you don’t know how the hell you’re going to survive this.

BREATHE. You’ve got this.

Here are 10 ways to get you started.

1. Be prepared

Oh gosh. There’s nothing worse than getting in front of people when you don’t know:

a) what to expect.

b) when you don’t know your subject.

So first, do some research. Find out what you have to talk about.

Secondly, ask for how long you’ll be interviewed for. 

My best interviews are the ones when the host told me as many details as possible beforehand.  Then I know what I will be talking about. I can get my bullet points ready. When I say BULLET POINTS I mean it. I don’t prepare a speech ever. I prepare KEYWORDS.

For an interview, I try to prepare all the questions they could ask me.

For a pitch or a gig, I prepare all the major points to highlight.

Prepare your subject inside out. Know it. Own it. Breathe it.

2. Feel the room

Before going to a new classroom, I FEEL the space.

I send greetings to it and to the people to come.

I become one with the walls, the desk, the stage, the mousepad and the computer. I prepare a magic bubble.

When my energy settles in, that’s it baby, I’m in.

But what if you don’t have access to the room beforehand?

Can you google the room or place? Can you arrive a bit earlier?

If you can’t, simply close your eyes and visualize the space, the people, and see yourself completely at ease in it.

Image by EnergieDeVie from Pixabay

If you have a pitch, pitch it to everyone you know.

Let them ask you questions and answer them.

If can’t answer their questions, do your homework and get ready.

4. Choose comfortable clothes

Make an effort for your audience as if you were going on a date. Because it’s kind of a date anyway.

However you don’t want to wear something that is not you. If you never wear high heels, it’s not the time to try them out. Just be the best version of yourself. Enough to breathe confidence.

Don’t think too much of how you look though. Focus on what you are for, on the message you need to deliver. Focus on your audience not on how you look.

5. Pump up the volume

Before you get dressed, blast some Led Zep and dance, get some steam off.

Enough to feel so damn good. You need to have a high level of energy.

Have you ever come across a teacher or a speaker that has no enthusiasm whatsoever? It sends you right to sleep or make you think of your to do list. The last thing you want is to bore your audience.

Enthusiasm is contagious. Remember this.

6. Tell yourself a white lie

Don’t say ‘I’m nervous’. Your brain is listening and as a result, it will make you sweat and stutter.

Instead tell yourself: ‘I’m so excited’. Your brain will also be listening and will help to go through it with ease.

7. Send love to your audience

They’re not your enemies. They want to learn from you.

They want to be inspired, to be motivated, to be enlightened. They want to spend a good time with you and you with them.

So send them love, you’re on the same page.

If you can, make eye contact with them, smile, send them good vibes. I promise you they’re going to feel it.

I teach a lot. And as it happens, I really love my 100+ students each year and the former ones too. I love their beautiful bright minds and as a result, I get brilliant results from my students, no one drops my class and they send me so much LOOOOve.

Image by Photo Mix by Pixabay

8. Be entertaining

Boredom is your worst enemy.

The brain is sensitive to contrast. Therefore, in your speech, try to be lively.

Speak slow and then fast, crack a joke, be thoutful. Change your tone.

Mix your presentation. Have slides, film extracts, games, jokes and  try to improvise if you can.

Don’t bore them with details or long anecdotes about your life. They don’t care. It’s all about them baby.

9. Be respectful

Be respectful in your speech of course but also with their time. They’re hear to learn something. They want a takeaway. 

Figure out what they need and give it to them. They need to come out of your speech totally transformed.

One of the best seminar I have assisted in my life was ‘Breaking into Script Reading’ with Lucy V. Hay. I was a different person when I came out of this. Life changing.

10. Have a blast and do it again

My first live gig, I’m not going to lie to you. I was awful. 

My first class, I was nervous as hell, my body was shaking, I was stuttering and sweaty. A nightmare.

Fortunately, I had no choice, I had to show up every week, so after a while, the shaking stopped. It took me years to feel at ease. Now I can say that I am a truly blessed teacher who has a blast with her students.

After my awful first gig, I had another one and another one and another one. I started to chill. Even better, I started to enjoy it. A few years back, no way I was going to say that!

Practice makes it perfect they say. I say practice makes it better.

And also, don’t forget that those events are wonderful opportunities to meet wonderful people. They can create new openings, new job opportunities, new luck in your life, so go for it!

By the way, here is my last gig and gosh I loved doing it. I hope they’re going to call me again next year!

Being A Writer Is Not Easy, But Don’t Give Up

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Some of my friends told me they wanted to give up on their writing career. I know that they have been working very hard for more than 15 years. They wrote screenplays and published some novels. Yet, they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

They feel like giving up.

It’s understandable. Burnouts, disappointments, and rejections can drive you to the point where you feel like letting go of your dreams. (See post: How to Recover From Burnout) Especially now when competition is tougher than ever.

Myself, 17 years ago, I gave up on my writing. And I tell you what, during that time, I felt as alive as a zombie in The Walking Dead. Dead inside.

Being a writer is tough. Chasing our dreams is hard but it’s also the only way to feel alive. So before you take a reckless decision, please let me give you 10 things you could try to have your mojo back.

1. Let The Bad Momentum Play itself Out

When it rains it pours. When I lost my home, my country and became homeless, I also got sick and soon after, my husband passed away. Indeed, when it rains, it pours. Yet, what saved me was my work and my writing. 

Putting all my rage and my despair on paper somehow kept me alive. I surrendered to the process of writing and somehow it made it feel slightly more bearable.

Surrender to your despair, to your sadness, to your fatigue. Don’t internalize it, it’s the worst thing you could do – it will soon become some kind of physical disease. So express it, write it and WAIT.

When you have a bad momentum, don’t fight against it. Instead surf the wave, let it take you where it wants. Don’t swim against the current, you’ll lose. Instead wait until it brings you to that peaceful beach.

2. Rest Is Success

I read a fantastic book that should be taught in every school: Why we sleep by Dr Matthew Walker. He explains how detrimental lack of sleep is to our body, mind and spirit such as:

  • Depression
  • Heart attack
  • Diabetes
  • It causes accidents
  • Obesity
  • Ageing etc…

Sleeping is far more important than you think. Do yourself a favor and have a minimum of 8-9 hours sleep. Go to bed early, have a nap. After a week, I promise you, you’ll feel stronger mentally and physically.

And more importantly, you’ll be more creative.

3. Find Out What Trigger This Feeling

Once rested, it’s time to reflect on what made you feel this way. Be honest with yourself. What triggered it?

A rejection?  A nasty comment online? An unexpected bill? A launch that didn’t work (again)?

Trace back what caused your misery and expose it to the light.

Now answer this question: Will it matter in five years time? If the answer is no, brush it off. 

4. Do Something Else

Maybe you’re sick of your writing, you don’t feel excited about it anymore. I tell you what: it’s time to try something new.

The idea is to give you a proper break. Trying something new will create new neuropathways and will excite your brain cells. You’ll feel a bit more upbeat. 

Soon enough, you’ll get an epiphany while doing paddling, martial art or painting. 

5. Go On A Social Media Detox

I ditched my Instagram. I also switched off ALL my notifications, and deleted most of the apps on my phone.

Do you know what happened?

My stress level went right down. Now, I’m only checking my phone when I’m ready for it and not when I’m told to do so.

So liberating!

6. Inject 5 Fun Things To Enjoy Everyday

Tell me the truth, is your life full of duties?

If so, it’s not surprising that you want to give up.

If you don’t plan some kind of reward in your day, your life will soon become like in The Shining: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy“.

Here is the secret though: you have to plan it. If you don’t, I promise you, you’ll do another duty because there is always something to do.

It can be anything you want but it has to be fun FOR YOU.  The idea is to plan each day, five things that makes you happy. You’ll get your motivation back sooner than you think.

7.Walk

Walking is the best sport you could ever do.

It increases your energy levels, improves your mood, your memory and sleep, maintains a healthy weight, reduces stress, strengthens your immune system and so on…

Start with 10 minutes a day and increase the duration after a while. 

It will make a huge difference to your health and creativity.

8.Take It One Step At A Time

Now let’s talk about your writing goals.

The key is this : One step at a time.

This is crucial. Take baby steps. 

When Stephen King was asked: ‘How do you write?’ He replied: ‘One word at a time‘. 

Simple. It’s okay to dream big but in terms of daily action, it’s best to have small, manageable, happy goals. 

If I tell you, write the best screenplay ever now! Your body and mind will shut down automatically.

Now if I tell you: write a scene, AND it doesn’t have to be good, you have the right to get it wrong but just write it. I’m pretty sure you can do that without a sweat. If you do that everyday, you have the first draft of your screenplay finished in two or three months.

Don’t make perfection a goal. Instead, make daily action a habit.

9.Take Imperfect Action

This one is my favorite mantra. This is the first thing my friend and co-writer Kary Oberbrunner taught me and it changed my life. Take imperfect action.

You don’t need to know all the answers, you don’t need to look perfect, you don’t need to be the best writer in the world.  You just need to show up and be yourself.

Do you want results? Do one action a day towards your goal. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it has to be regular.

The more actions you take, the more opportunities you get. It’s not witchcraft, it’s science.

10.Success Is An Accumulation Of Small Powerful Moments One After Another

When you look at people who succeeded, they didn’t get successful overnight.

It takes a long time to build a career.   

It doesn’t matter when you started writing. My point is these people kept practicing again and over again. They accumulated mini-wins one after another. So don’t look at the big picture. Aim for the mini wins. That’s what makes the difference.

One last word… Writing is an adventure. When we read a book or watch a film, we’re looking for answers to this question: How do you survive in this society?

Of course, we don’t say that out loud to ourselves but this is what we’re looking for.

We also write to understand ourselves and others. And we also write to give our understanding of life to others. It’s an important mission. It’s a calling. So don’t give up on it please, the world needs you.

Ps: I would like to dedicate this post to one of my faithful reader, Patricia, who kindly sent me a very nice email. I replied but my email bounced back. I wish you to get better soon.

Bonus

Here some mantras you could use to get your mojo back:

  • I am doing my best
  • My possibilities are endless
  • I have the power to create change
  • There are endless opportunities around me
  • Everything happens for a reason
  • I am exactly where I need to be
  • Small steps are also progress, great things take time 

Why Do You Hate Doing Your Marketing So Much?

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If you love marketing and love being on social media, this post is NOT for you.

It’s aimed at people who are allergic to it. Like me.

I’m a screenwriter and like all entrepreneurs, if I want clients, I need to promote my business. The problem is… I have headaches and skin rashes when it comes to send a promotional ad.

Why do I hate it so much?

Well… firstly, I hate receiving any kind of marketing. I really don’t like it when people force my hand to buy something I don’t need. So why on earth would I do it to others ?

Let’s look at some marketing rules and find out the reasons it bothers us so much:

Rule 1: Post on Social Media Every Day

 So you can build trust.

Really? 

Every person I talked to, said they receive too many emails these days, have enough FB or Instagram ads on their feeds and don’t even bother opening promotional emails anymore. So it t seems to me, it builds exasperation more than trust.

It’s even worse when they add ‘urgency’ to their promotion: ‘Only two days left and your offer is gone!’ ‘Oh no, only two hours left’… You get stressed just by reading the email.  Actually, that’s the point. The idea is to make you feel on edge as if you’re missing out on something. 

My gentle suggestion:  I wouldn’t use these methods if, like me, you find them too abrasive. Yes, they probably work, or shall I say, used to work but I wouldn’t push you to do something that you don’t find ethical. Personally, I don’t want to distress my clients thank you very much. I think there is enough darkness out there already. My suggestion is to get aligned with your values.

Rule 2: Give Freebies and Free Webinars

People have received so many freebies these days that even if they wanted to, they don’t have time to read them all.

How about free webinars?

How many of you have spent 45 minutes attending a webinar full of hot air?

I have. And I ended up being angry at myself for wasting my own time.

People expect free stuff all the time. But here’s a truth, when they get it, they don’t value it.

People like the treasure hunt, the mystery, the bit by bit discovery, and the uniqueness.

My gentle suggestion: Give only the strict minimum. Keep the great stuff for your paying clients. Less is more. Respect your time, your energy, your knowledge and your own value. 

Rule 3: Work With Marketing Consultants

I spent way too much money on marketing consultants. 

I did everything they asked me to do. When they asked me to post a video to please the algorithm, I posted a video. When they asked me to follow their guidance to write an ad, I did it too.

Results? I lost money. I had no return on investment whatsoever.

Yet, when they analyzed the data’s, they found that my most successful ads were the one I did before them and without them. Ha!

Most marketing consultants have missed the train. People are wise to selling techniques now. They know the tricks. As my friend Kary Oberbrunner keeps telling me, people want authenticity and honesty.

I give you an example. If I tell my friends to watch The Last Kingdom, Archive 81 or After Life on Netflix. I am doing free marketing for Netflix but I’m not gaining anything. These TV series made me happy and I want my friends to feel the same. Therefore they’re more likely to follow my advice.

My gentle suggestion: In order to be successful in your business, make people feel good. Do things with your heart and not with your calculator. Follow your intuition and you’ll beat the algorithm, like me. If people feel good, they’ll come back to you.

Rule 4: Be Consistent

Ouch! That’s my main flaw.

I show up online whenever I can and whenever I feel like it.  

It is the worse marketing ever.  I know.

Being consistent builds trust. If I don’t believe in writing to your clients everyday, I do believe in consistency. 

My excuses? I have many! But mainly marketing is not top of my priorities. My face to face clients are. Also, doing marketing strain my nervous system. And as my brilliant coach Cornelia Kara likes to remind me, the worst thing I could do is to scare my nervous system, it automatically leads to self-sabotage.

So what would be a solution?

My gentle suggestion: In order to feel peaceful with yourself and to keep your nervous system happy, you could try a consistency that is not too straining. Post once a month for instance and see how you feel about it. 

Rule 5: Be On ALL Social Media Platforms

I’m on almost everything.  And it’s exhausting.

While I’m writing this, I’ve made the decision to remove myself from some of them.

Why?

I always tell my students to follow their bliss and to stay away from anything that doesn’t sparkle their souls.  I think it’s time for me to follow my own guidance.

Most platforms I’m on, do not sparkle joy. They stress me out.  That’s why I’m so rubbish at it. And that’s why some people are very good at it. They genuinely love it. And it shows.

Alas, I’m not one of those. I have to make a selection and only keep the ones I like. After all, less is more….

I grew up in the eighties when social media didn’t exist. Madonna, herself likes to remind us she became a superstar when there was no social media around. Which brings me to my number one rule for marketing and for this I’ll use a quote from Ira Glass:

It’s only by going through a volume of work that you will close the gap, and your work will be as good as your ambition. Ira Glass

My gentle suggestion: The best marketing you could ever do is your work. Invest time and quality in your work and soon enough, people will start noticing. If your work is awesome, trust me, people will know.

Beware though, it takes time, it takes years even, so be patient.

PS: For more ideas on marketing, I suggest to observe people you like and see how they do their marketing. Sometimes it can sparkle inspiration. FYI my marketing mentors are Kary Oberbrunner and Denise Duffiled-Thomas. 

Feel free to check them out or find your own ones x Good luck and thank you for reading.

10 Time Management Tips for Parents Working From Home

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Photo by Choreograph at Pixabay

If you’re a parent working from home, you know the drill. It’s when you’re in the middle of an important email that the kids come to you. They’re either hungry, bored, or they broke something that needs to be fixed NOW.

And if it’s not the kids, it’s a family member who decides to show up for a coffee because they need a break. As you’re a kind person, you accept and meanwhile the clock goes by and you haven’t done any work.

Of course, by the time they leave, you’re full of resentment and it’s time to do the school run or to cook dinner.

When you work from home, often people think you’re on holiday.

Therefore, your first task is to tell them that it’s not because you are physically here, that you’re available. 

If they have a half a brain, they’ll get the message.

With the kids, however, it’s another matter and we’ll discuss that but before let’s define time management.

What is Time Management?

Let’s be clear about time management once for all:

Can you stretch time? Can you add an hour to your day?

Can you travel backward or forward in time?

Unless you’ve got super powers, for the majority of us, the answer is no.

So we can all agree that we cannot manage time itself. The only thing we can manage is ourselves.

1.Time Is Not Your Master, You’re Not Its Slave

In The Big Leap (great book by the way), Guy Hendricks suggests to develop a harmonious relationship with time, and ‘to stop thinking that the master is time and that we are the slaves.’ He also advises us to stop complaining about time or the lack of it.

The reason is simple. If you complain about something, you focus on it. And what you focus on, expands. The more you complain about time, the less time you get.

2. Teach Your Kids Boredom.

Our society values immediate results. The word ‘productivity’ is on every lip. Even kids are scheduled to death from the age of two (swimming lessons, play dates…).  As if the rule was the more you do, the more you’re worth (which is BS by the way).

Unfortunately, people have a negative emotion towards boredom. Nevertheless, boredom is good. It makes you think. Thinking is great. People don’t have enough time to think.

Moreover, teaching boredom to kids means that they have to be creative. As a child I was left on my own all the time (I was a latchkey kid). I escaped my loneliness by reading and writing stories (of course the internet wasn’t around at that time). As a result, I very rarely bored.

3.Teach Your Family That You’re Not On Demand Like Netflix.

However, often, kids or/and partners, when they see you at home, they think you’re available on Demand like Netflix.

So the first thing to do is to set boundaries. Except that with kids, the time limit has to be shorter.

They cannot understand the concept of ‘do not disturb me between 10am to 2pm’.

Instead you have to talk in their language. ‘Mummy has something to do for work for the duration of two videos of DanTDM or Tiana (or whatever they’re into).

Once understood, work as fast as you can because they know how long a video is.

Put all your focus on that task. It’s not about being productive but about being efficient.

Then give them a reward – spend some time with them.

And repeat.

4. Think Small

Vishen Lakiani, the CEO of Mindvalley, says that we always overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in three.

It’s also true for the parents at home who often overestimates what he/she can do during the day with kids.

These days, there is an obsession to think big whereas, I suggest doing the opposite. Think small. Accumulate mini tasks. As a teacher, I always give my students mini-tasks and I tell them ‘I give you 5 minutes’. Their first reaction is always ‘Oh wait but we can’t do that in 5 minutes!’ but once they realize they actually can, they’re very pleased with themselves. Don’t underestimate what you can accomplish in 5, 10 or 15 minutes.

Having less time to work doesn’t mean that you won’t be efficient. Instead you’re going to learn to work twice faster. Your brain will actually be more productive than a person at work all day.

Add some mindfulness or meditation to your day and you’ll get superpowers. After all, as Guy Hendricks points it out, ‘Business is ultimately a spiritual path’.

5. Get Your Kids Involved In What You Do.

Kids are smart. They understand everything, even if they’re young.

I always tell my kids what I have to do, why I’ve got to do it and by when. They understand deadlines, because they have them at school. Once they know, they’re less likely to disturb you.

But there is something even better…

Get them involved; see if they can help you with small tasks. Kids love participating. They don’t feel left out and they enjoy being your little assistant.

7. Plan Your Week Ahead.

On Sundays, look at your week ahead. Make a list of your duties as a parent and a list of your working goals.

Look at your week and once you realistically block the time for the school runs, dinner time, the food shopping, cleaning and all the boring stuff… see how many hours you have to accomplish your work.

Schedule your tasks and your objectives. It’s crucial to prioritize at this point, you won’t be able to do it all.

Try to plan your meals for the week so you’re not wandering in the supermarket like a fly around a lamp shade.

Don’t work at night to catch up with work, you’ll end up cranky and tired the following day.

Plan what you’re going to wear too. It’s not because you work from home that you have to be sloppy. Wearing smart clothes will set your mood for the week. You mean business, don’t you?

8.Time Block Your Day.

Instead of scheduling each hour of your day, create blocks of time.

Most people are more productive between 10am and 2pm. if it’s your case, schedule your heavy lifting task during that time. Do the easy bits after or before that time.

Here is the secret though: you don’t have to finish a task during that time slot. If it needs more work, work on it the following day on the same time slot.

9. Learn To Say No.

Sometimes you will have an overflowing inbox of people asking you to do things for them (for free). Learning to say no is hard but necessary.

I used to say ‘yes’ all the time, too scared to miss an opportunity even if it wasn’t paid. I ended up reading novels or scripts from strangers and giving notes which represented hours of my time for nothing as a result apart from feeling exhausted. 

Now before doing any work, I send my fees. Do that and I promise you, you’ll get rid of all the time wasters in no time and have respectful clients instead.

As my friend Jade Dee (Poet, screenwriter, and publisher) wrote in a poem:

‘Never waste a moment of time. It slips away so fast. The worst disrespect a person can do to you is wasting your time. Money you can earn back, but time is gone forever.’’ –Jade Dee

10. Block Some Time for Yourself and For Your Kids.

Apart from the occasional meeting, my evenings are for my kids. Period. That’s my rule. I even switch off my phone quite early at night, so I can stay fully present. We either watch a film or play a board game, but it’s our time. They need it, I need it.

I don’t know if you have noticed but I didn’t advise you to delegate. Do you know why? Because often the parent working from home has no one to delegate. (If you do, you’re very lucky, please do delegate).

Unfortunately, I know too many people where the partner undermines their partner’s work because they’re working from home. Therefore, the person working from home will still have to do the cleaning, the shopping and the school runs AND their work of course. It often ends up in burn out though. See previous post: https://pilotlightwriting.com/how-to-recover-from-burnout/

As for single parents, they can’t shout at their kids: ‘Hey today we’re not eating because I’ve got work to do’. Whether they feel like it or not, they have to do all the duties (from DIY, to cleaning, cooking and school runs) and their work too.

To regenerate and keep healthy, it’s important to block time for yourself too. Otherwise, you’re going to end up stressed out and unproductive at your job anyway. Resting is not doing nothing. Resting is the only way your body and brain recover.

You Are Rich

When your kids see you working from home, they understand what can of job you do and they put a face on your colleagues, and as a result, they feel closer to you.

Kids are also great to help you to stay in touch with new trends, new technologies, and life in general. You learn from them as much as they learn from you.

In a Japanese interview he gave in 1976, Steven Spielberg said: ‘the man who has time to spend time with his kids and his family is a very rich man’. Yes, he may haven been doing his dream job but he didn’t have time to spend time with his kids. for him, it was a big price to pay.

So consider yourself rich.

Kids need to see you are there for them, that you’re bringing them safety and love.

Looking after your children is the most difficult job on earth and definitely the most underrated. 

However, you have the future generation in your hands. The generation who is going to build a better world and society. Children are magical beings, they’re our only hope. You’re doing great, I’m telling you.

How To Write Unfiltered Characters

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how to write unfiltered characters
Image by Rudy & Peter Skitterians at Pixabay

All types of characters are necessary to make a story interesting. The more diverse, the better. Today the light is on the Unfiltered Character.

The Unfiltered Character

Unfiltered characters are often direct and surprise us by their honesty.

When most people spend their lives pleasing others in order to avoid any form of confrontation, unfiltered characters do the complete opposite.

And that’s refreshing. Cathartic even.

In other words, they don’t care about what other people think and we love them for that. Furthermore, we would love to be like them.

What would it take to write one?

1- Make them ANGRY and REBELLIOUS.

One of the traits that an unfiltered character may have is anger.

They might be angry at society, at themselves or both.

Usually well educated, they observed the world through special lenses. They see what other people don’t see or choose to ignore.

Concretely, if you want to make your angry unfiltered characters react, create a box for them. Soon enough you’ll get a reaction, as they won’t fit in.

Sometimes, they’re not angry but they know themselves enough to know what they like and don’t like. For example, they know that hypocrisy is not their thing.

In addition to that, they hate time wasters. Small talks, meaningless conversations aren’t for them so if you want to annoy an unfiltered character in your story, create a chatty character that has nothing else to do than listen to his/her own voice. You’ll then create a nice conflict between them.

The downside of being an unfiltered character is they often feel lonely. However, they much prefer to be a loner than being with bad company.

Image by Trifo13 at Pixabay

For this type of character, Jess in Gilmore Girls played by the talented Milo Ventimiglia is a good example. Jess is a young man, full of anger, coming from a dysfunctional family.

He’s also the bad boy that good girls normally like. Bad boys are attractive because a sense of excitement comes with them. However what is interesting about Jess is the fact that he loves books, philosophy and is extremely intelligent. The unfiltered bad boy turns out to challenge everyone around him. And we love him for that of course.

I found this extract on YouTube that you could check;  an interaction with Jess and his uncle Luke (also an unfiltered character by the way).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7zsNFE0C2I

2- Make them TALENTED and BLUNT

Sometimes unfiltered characters aren’t angry. They don’t have time for it.

Instead, they need to focus on their mission and can’t afford any distraction. 

They know what they are good at, and dealing with people is not one of them. And oh! Don’t we like them too!

These kinds of characters can be funny to watch because they appear blunt or even mean.

 ‘I don’t do people’ is often their motto.

There is a reason for it. Often badly hurt, this type of unfiltered character prefers to concentrate on their mission in life rather than face their own emotions. In fact, they do everything to avoid interactions for that single purpose: self protection.

Can anyone relate?

For this type of character, I have in mind the character of Mina, the beautiful surgeon in The Resident, played by Shaunette Renée Wilson. 

Watch this extract to understand what I mean:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3jRF3HNWyM

3- Make them AUTHENTIC and CYNICAL.

The cynic can be either way funny or scary depending on the genre.

The cynic has often a dark vision of life. He/She asks questions that nobody wants to answer. He talks about a subject that nobody wants to think about, he tells a truth that no one wants to hear.

Truth is unsettling, isn’t it?

Characters like these make you feel uneasy because they make you think hard on the meaning of life . As they question life and relationships, they mirror our own insecurities.

Jamie in The Sinner, played brilliantly by Matt Bomer, came to my mind for this type of unfiltered character.

Please do not watch this extract if you are under age and if you are sensitive, this extract has strong language and violence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyOk7p30Iwo

4. Make them FUNNY and RUDE

On a lighter note, an unfiltered character can be incredibly funny, simply by contrasting  with the other ‘normal characters’.

While saying out loud what everybody thinks is a great ingredient for your story, being rude to other characters is great for comedies. If you need to add a bit of humor in your story, this is the kind of character that you definitely need.

Let’s take the example of Michel, the (amazing) grumpy concierge in Gilmore Girls played by Yanic Truesdale.

https://youtu.be/CNjJZokmqkE

Thank you for reading x

How to Recover From Burnout

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Burnout
Image by Лера_K from Pixabay

What is Burnout?

I didn’t know what burnout was until I experienced it in 2017.

Before that, I knew what fatigue was. I knew stress, exhaustion and depression but I didn’t know what burnout was.

It was so severe that I remember falling on my bedroom floor, incapable of moving or getting up. If I didn’t have my late husband to pick me up back then, I would have probably stayed there forever. This was my lowest point.

In other words, burnout is when your mind and body refuse to cooperate.

It’s a radical shut down.

I could see some signs coming. I was tired all the time, ratty or tearful. My body was aching and tense. I had lost motivation for most things. My to-do list was full of duties that didn’t bring any joy…

All the signs were there, yet I ignored them. Instead, I pushed my mind and body to the limit until I collapsed like a computer with too many windows working at the same time. I crashed.

Did I learn from that experience? Nope.

Not long ago, I surcharged my ‘computer’ with too many files again.

For instance, I was flooded by emails and demands coming from right, left and center (and of course they were all urgent) and I had to do home school at the same time. My mistake was trying to keep up. So I started burning the candle at both ends. To the point that I jumped out of my skin each time I heard a phone notification.

I was like a hamster on a running wheel, or a ‘busy bee’. You know busy, busy, and then SWAT! WALLOP!

1. SURRENDER

The Universe has a way to send you the same message until you get it. My first burnout, I didn’t get it. I recovered with the help of skilled practitioners and went back to the running wheel.

Luckily this time, I saw the signs coming.

While in a conversation with a dear friend of mine, as I was lethargic in front of her, I said: ‘I think I’m having a burnout’. She replied: ‘Surrender. Surrender to your grief. Surrender to your fatigue. Surrender to your sadness’.

As soon as she said it, I saw the word ‘surrender’ everywhere, in everything I was reading, videos I was watching…

The message was very clear: I had to surrender.

How do you surrender?

There are many books written on the art of surrendering. There are also YouTube videos, and blog articles… yet I couldn’t find anything that could help me to surrender.

So how do you do it?

2. STOP EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE DOING

Stop the running wheel. Stop running. Don’t do anything. STOP.

Yes I know, the world needs you. It has always something urgent and important for you to do. The world is also full of dead people. Wonderful souls who died of stress (cancer) and/or exhaustion (heart attacks).

Therefore, the world will have to wait. Nothing that you can do is worth your well-being. If you’re not well, you can’t help the world.

Don’t worry; the blue planet will still spin without you, at least for a few days.

Then, concentrate on what is really important – for me it was two questions: How can I be a better parent? And what is the most important in my schedule (in other words, what’s bringing food on my table)?

Subsequently, it helped me to reorganize all my ‘urgent’ demands. In my case, it was taking more care of my children who are mourning their father and to focus more on my students and clients.

Prioritizing is the key. You can’t do everything. Acknowledging that is the beginning of recovery. 

So what are your priorities?

3. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS

When I stopped the motion, something happened. I cried for days. I was finally facing my loss. Working non-stop had been my way to escape the pain.

What are you running away from? Or what are you running towards?

Therefore face your pain, your fears and let your emotions out. Crying is not a negative emotion. It detoxifies the body and improves the mood.  

In short, get it all out.

Similarly, you may try for a week or two, to write on a journal, today I feel… and fill the blank. It will help you to stay connected to your inner self

4. SLEEP

There aren’t many ways to get your energy back. Get some sleep. 

Sleep affects stress hormones, but also our immune system, our weight,  our blood pressure and cardiovascular health. 

Therefore, try to go to bed earlier and get 8 Hours of sleep. It will make a whole difference.

5. ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:

Why are you going through a burnout (again)?

Why are you keeping yourself so busy?

What are you trying to avoid?

The inspiring Julia Cameron says in her book The Artist’s Way: ‘We are very often working to avoid ourselves, our spouses, our real feelings.’

That’s when it clicked: I’ve been busy numbing myself with work. I was avoiding dealing with my grief. Stopping everything forced me to face my loss.

6. SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE AND BRING BACK THE JOY

How many commitments on your calendar fall under the category of ‘should’s’ and ‘must’s’?

On your death bed, do you think you’ll say something like ‘I wish I had worked more?’ or ‘I wished I answered all my emails on the same day?’

Let go of some of your obligations and replace them with something fun, joyful, and loving.

Having a rest can make you feel guilty or nervous. In our society, unfortunately, we feel valued by the work we do. But doing something nice for yourself will actually help you to work better and have a better life.

Don’t skip the signs. Have a rest when you need it.

Rediscover what the words ‘Joy’ and ‘fun’ mean.

Thank you for reading dear friends. Folded Hands on Google Android 11.0 December 2020 Feature Drop

This post is dedicated to my soul sister Joy, who always shares with me her wisdom and guides me on my path.

Why Writing Is A Therapy ?

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why writing is a therapy

Photo by StockSnap @ Pixabay

Two years ago, I wrote a post called ‘Healing with Journaling’. I was a bit naive to claim that we could heal from traumas. What I should have said instead is that writing is a therapy.

So, if writing doesn’t heal traumas, it makes them more apparent. Instead of sliding them under the carpet, we acknowledge our pain, which is the first step to feel better.

Writing is therapeutic.

1. It keeps your body and mind healthy

Our society is contaminated by anxiety.

A lot of people live in fear to be judged, abandoned or rejected. As a result, life can become unbearable.

The source of anxiety is different for everyone:

  • Unemployment
  • Grief
  • Overworking
  • Separation
  • Disease
  • Ageing
  • Any type of change…

If not analyzed and expressed, this anxiety will find a way to be released often in an unhealthy way:

  • Insomnia or disturbing dreams
  • Eating disorders
  • Extreme fatigue
  • Depression
  • Sexual troubles
  • Skin problems
  • Lack of concentration and enthusiasm
  • Fear of others
  • OCD
  • Being always in a rush
  • Speaking to fast or too loud or both…

Often overlooked, writing is a powerful way to get some emotional release. It’s been proven for reducing stress and physical pain, improves memory and immune system and it also reduces anxiety, which is my point.

By writing down our pain, we honor our authentic self. We can sit down with our sadness or have a conversation with our demons. What if your  back pain wants to tell you something? What if we ask our addiction what void it’s trying to fill?

‘You’ll be amazed at the rotten things your subconscious will blurt out. Write them down.’ Julia Cameron

When the emotions come out, our clarity creates room for the change we desperately need.

2. It shifts our mood and brings back enthusiasm in our lives

While fighting cancer for five years, my goddess friend was raising her young children, as well as building a successful business and writing bestselling books. She has my deepest respect.

When she suggested starting a gratitude journal, I was uncomfortable with the idea. She told me that her first times, she was writing things such as: ‘I’m grateful that this day is finally over’. Gradually, she became more open to the beautiful things in her life; it helped her to go through hard times and to fight cancer.

So I tried it myself and I haven’t stopped since.

Often a seeming calamity is an angel in disguise. (…) What if we adapted a welcoming attitude to life, letting go of a habitual defensive or controlling attitude? What would we attract then? Catherine Ann Jones

Gratitude helps to focus on what really matters. It also increases the level of satisfaction with life. It shifts negative moods into positive ones and gets rid of the dark cloud that lingers around our head.

So I invite you to try it too. Write about one thing you feel grateful for today. Try it for a week and see the difference.

It Makes Our lives More Creative

Writing is a way to express ourselves and it’s a therapy. It’s not the only one though.

Overcoming our anxieties demands a combination of therapies.

I personally have my own combination, which is my family, my friends, my daily yoga and writing. I’m not past the grief and pain I’m going through but I know that the Universe sends me this combination to continue breathing.

Life itself is pure creativity and we are part of it. Not being creative is against our very nature. Who cares if it doesn’t come out perfectly? The aim is not to suffer while writing as pictured often in the media (the writer who cannot write a line). The writer’s block is nothing less than the fear of being wrong and being judged by others.

‘To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.’ Joseph Chilton Pearce

Creative writing allows us to connect with our inner self, to fill our potential, to explore our own mystery. Knowing ourselves is a powerful tool which has been discussed since the antiquity as if it was the key that opens many doors…

‘Be really whole and all things will come to you’. Lao Tzu

Take good care of yourself my friend x

If you like this subject, I’d suggest to read ‘Writing as a Way of Healing’ by Louise Desalvo

How to Kick-Start Your First Draft

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Writing a first draft
Photo by Jan Vasek @ Pixabay

‘I have an idea for a film, a book, a play’…

‘Great! When do you start writing your first draft?’

Silence… 

Usually followed by:

‘Ah, it’s a complex story, I need to do more research’

or

‘Yes when I quit (fill the blank) smoking, drinking, my job, my wife….

or

‘You don’t get it! This project is bigger than me!’

Oh yes, I get it.

It has a name: Procrastination which is a good friend of Fear.

Days, weeks, months, even years could go by, without writing a line on your big idea. It’s not nice.

In addition, you feel guilty about it. It’s not nice either.

So what shall we do about it?

1. Brainstorm Ideas

Firstly we brainstorm ideas. This is my favorite phase of creation.

I bubble some ideas, some characters, plots, locations. I also do some research, I read books on the topic. I watch films on the subject, I write notes in my journal. Even more efficient, I tear pictures from magazines to make a collage of my next project. It’s a messy job but it’s soooo good.

This the time when you’re allowed to be CRAZY, to have FUN, to HAVE A BLAST with your brain and your creativity.

‘To live a creative life, we must lose our fear to be wrong.’ Joseph Chilton Pearce

Don’t take months to do this phase though. One month is enough.

I can hear you from here saying: ‘But what if you haven’t finished my research?’

No worries. Move on to the next stage AND continue researching.

Don’t give all your time to research because then it becomes procrastination.

2. Organize Your Ideas and Notes

Secondly, you organize your ideas.

That’s when you discover how bonkers you are and how creative more importantly.

What you need to do is to go through all your notes and decide what to keep and what to trash. Please trust the process,  it’s all good. 

It’s also a good idea to organize the ideas that you want to keep so it’s easier to find them while you’re writing.

Give yourself a week or two to do so.

3. Structure Your Notes

Thirdly, you find the spine of your ideas. From there, as an architect, you’re going to build a solid foundation. It’s the structure. In other words, you articulate clearly what you want to say and how you want to say it. It’s storytelling.

You need to tell the story in a way that keeps everyone engaged that’s what the structure is for. It’s heavy work.

I  invite you to divide your work into small pieces. First, build up your main structure, then your scene by scene. For each one, evaluate how long it will take you to write it.

I give myself a week or two to do so.

4. Write

As I’m a lazy writer, I have small achievable targets. If they are too big, I get overwhelmed.

Some people like setting targets in terms of word count (500 words to 2000 words a day). Personally, I set my targets in terms of time I have available to write. I don’t bother with how many words I put on the page, as long as I write something.

How do I kick-start each writing session? I tell myself: ‘Let’s write for five minutes’.

Five minutes is not scary, right? So I go for it.

Consequently, I never write for five minutes. It’s always between 30 minutes and two hours. However, if I had said to myself ‘let’s write for half an hour’, I would have scared myself too much and find excuses not to write.

So put some music on, create a space for your creativity and just write.

Studies have shown that writing reduces stress faster than walking. So take it as a relaxing time for yourself.

A deadline of 2-4 months to write your first draft seems reasonable.

Please don’t expect to be brilliant on your first draft. It won’t be.

Hemingway said: ‘The first draft of anything is shit.’

That’s a good reason not to worry about it. You can relax your shoulders and enjoy the process. Have a blast! 

‘The need to produce a great work of art makes it hard to produce any art at all.’ Julia Cameron

I find it reassuring actually. It allows you to be bad writer and to make mistakes. It’s easier to write a bad prose than good one. Aim for excellence at the re-writes. And that’s another story…

Good luck!

Step by Step Easy Business Plan for Artists & Writers

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Photo by Jess Bailey @ Pixabay

Why would you spend time on a business plan?  Probably because it’s the first step to take your artistic career seriously.

‘A goal without a plan is just a wish’ Antoine de St Exupéry

If you’re driving, unsure of the roads to take, you have great probabilities to get lost. But if you have planned your journey, chances are, you will reach your destination.

Of course, sitting down trying to forecast projects and numbers can be quite daunting. This is why I have prepared a business template for Artists and Writers super easy for you.

Step 1: Only Do Projects that Give You a High

If you know you’re going to be working on halfhearted projects, you’ll end up discouraged and will not finish them.

In other words, your projects should excite you. They should be in alignment with your purpose. They should make you FEEL GOOD. 

‘’Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything’’ Napoleon Hill

Step 2: Don’t Overload Your Business Plan

It’s tempting to cram many projects in one year but it can also be a great factor for giving up everything.

Only three to four big projects a year seem more manageable. Do only one project at a time, so you can stay fully focused on it and thus you become more efficient.

Moreover, the other reason for not overloading your business plan is to have enough room for FUN.

‘Always leave enough time in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, even joyous.  That has more of an effect on economic well-being than any other single factor.’ Paul Hawken.

It will also fuel your creativity in amazing ways.

Step 3: Visualize the Outcome But Don’t Focus On It

 ‘Intention is one with cause and effect. Intention determines outcome. And if you’re stuck and not moving forward, you have to check the thought and action that created the circumstance’. Oprah Winfrey.

While it is crucial to visualize your end goal and feel the good vibrations of the finish product, don’t focus exclusively on the outcome. The outcome is not up to you. Of course, it’s nice to imagine being a bestselling author but you won’t be able to control the buying of your books. Your audience will decide if they’re going to buy or not.

Your job is to make an amazing product. Visualize a happy outcome but focus on your day to day task, to make this project wonderful and irresistible.

Step 4: Take Action and Show Up Everyday

You must hear it, read it, and see it all the time: Take action.

Easier said than done, right?

When we’re ready to rock and roll often Procrastination kicks in. Not nice. Suddenly we don’t feel like working on our projects, and we end up doing something else, such as watching TV for instance, feeling bad about ourselves.

Here is my one million dollar trick: Take action for FIVE minutes a day. Too much? OK then, try ONE minute a day.

Each time I don’t feel like writing, I tell my brain: ‘OK, let’s do this for one minute.’ 

Next thing I know, I worked on that thing for an hour.

This is as simple as that.

Step 5: Be Kind to Yourself

Even if your inner voice is shouting: ‘You’re not good enough’ make a point to do it anyway. Override that nasty voice with some feel good music and get on with whatever you’ve got to do.

Make sure you take care of your whole being too: soul (meditate), mind (read) and body (exercise).  It’s all connected and intertwined.  

Allow yourself to have some time off too, to recharge your batteries. I’ve seen it many times, I’ve been there myself. Burnout is real. It’s horrible.

Being nice to yourself also means to be ruthless with distractions. Since I turned off all my notifications, I feel much calmer. Okay I admit it, sometimes I’m missing some messages on the spot but my pulse stays stable. I look at my messages or my emails when I’m ready to do so, not while I’m working.

Also don’t beat yourself up when you fail.

‘Every adversity, even failure, every heartache, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit’ napoleon Hill

Failure is part of success. If you look at the people who succeeded, they all had a big disappointment. They didn’t let failure define them. They cried and carried on.

Life happens. Sometimes a life event might disturb your plan. Take one thing at a time.  Take a break from everything. All you need to do is re-adjust your plan for the future, that’s all.  Trust in the process of creation and its perfect timing.

Intense belief + Firm intention + Intense dedication: Manifesting your desires.

Wishing you my best wishes for your creative plans.

It’s Time To Shine Your Light

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Photo by Colin Behrens @ Pixabay

I have never liked January and its New Year resolutions time.  I don’t see the point. Each year is what you DAILY make it… for 365 days.

Many times, I saw people making plans and giving them up after a few weeks…

‘Man makes plans… and God laughs’ wrote the Author and Screenwriter Michael Chabon.

Why do we expect so much from ourselves?

Is it to justify our presence on Earth?

Answers are often found in Nature

I often find answers in Nature.

I love observing Nature around me, trees especially. In shamanism, they are called ‘The Plant people and the Standing People’.

Trees grow tall and strong knowing their purpose. They don’t ask themselves ‘What should I do with my life?’

They just are. They exist and make the world better (by providing oxygen for instance).

Us, the human kind, we have a brain and a heart. With these gifts, we should know what to do. Yet, we probably are the only species on Earth wondering what our purpose is.

Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay

Life is Chaos

Life is chaos.

I know what I’m talking about. Within two years, I lost my home, my beloved country, some close friends, my dignity, and my husband.  None of these events were planned or thought. None of these things were part of my ‘plan’. They just happened to me.

Yes, life is chaos and any form of co-creation (coming from the heart) is a way to express or explain this chaos.  

When you lose it all, you see everything clearly.

First you see who are ‘your allies’, to quote my dear friend and mentor Lucy V. Hay (Bang2Write).  The allies are the ones who pick you up when you fall but also help you to fight back. ‘You can’t do without them’, she says. She is right. As always.

My other Friend and mentor, Kary Oberbrunner, wrote it in his life-changing book Unhackable that there are three types of people:

The Consumer, the critic, the creator.

The consumer consumes, probably to feed their emptiness with stuff.

The critic critics. Spotting the mistakes in others reassures them.

And Creators create. To me, this type is never reassured. They try, they test, and stumble often but they know their purpose. When creators let go of expectations, they become unrestricted and inspiring.

Simplicity

When you hit rock bottom, your needs become simple: food, shelter and love.

If you have those three things in your life, it’s a blessing. Millions of people on Earth do not have that.

When you fall, you realised that friends and family are what count in life.

On your death bed, the number of zeros on your bank account or your job title will do nothing for you. People make the difference.

People you love are the ones who are going to make your life meaningful.

Pilot Light Writing

That’s why I have changed the name of my website. It used to be called Inside the Writers Bubble but I felt quite lonely inside my bubble.

My friend and Shaman Catherine Maguire (https://www.inlightenment.it/) said to me,’ your gift is to light other people’s light, you’re a pilot light’. From there, another dear friend – the author Sally Bibb and my brother-in-law – Daniel helped me to put the pieces together.

And that’s how Pilot Light Writing is born.

We can’t do it on our own.

I am not interested in consuming or criticising.

I’m interested in bringing love into everything I do, so I can help other people who love what they do, to shine too.

We can’t get rid of the darkness or the shadow in this world. We can only bring light inside it.

So be shiny my friend. x

This post is dedicated in loving memory of my late husband, who will be missed forever.

Candle Image by Andreas Lischka from Pixabay